Self Destruction (endofsanity) wrote,
Self Destruction

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A much overdue update

So my life has taken an interesting turn since ... say this whole fucking year. I got laid off, I was unemployed, and now I have a new job. And while I really enjoy my job and it keeps me productive and busy, it has drastically put a dent in my social life. I work 7am to 3pm and this means that I get up between 5 and 530am (more towards 530 these days, damn you snooze). The 45-1hour commute generally gets me home at 430pm, that being that I actually leave work ontime, which isn't always true. The point I am trying to make, is I am completely exhausted when I get home, so I generally don't do anything during the week. And friday nights are brutal but I usually grin and bare it and sleep in forever on Saturdays.

The point I suppose I am trying to make is that I'm pretty damn lonely these days. Perhaps it is my social anxiety perking up again. I've never had an easy time making plans, especially with people I don't know too well. I easily blow off plans, things "mysteriously" come up.. etc etc. If this has happened to you at a time we were supposed to hang out - - Social Anxiety. It sucks and I can't really explain it. An easily solution is to get drunk as that is the social lubricant of the times, but getting to the point of actually going out is trying. I sometimes have a hard time even talking on the phone to people (wonder why you always get my voicemail when you call?). Yeah. It's rough sometimes. Good thing the internet is so impersonal. I'd probably never meet people if it wasn't for the social nullification properties of a glowing screen. Which is good as well because the more i talk to people online the easier it is for me to actually talk to people in person.

Its a rough cycle to fall in and i desperately want to get out and meet people before I go insane.
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